I had the opportunity to play around with the iPhone 3GS from work for a couple of days lately, and I have to admit that it was a great phone. If I didn’t have a phone and subscription for work, I would definitely get the iPhone 4. Anyway, it inspired me to write the following “love letter” just for fun. Of course, I don’t actually feel that strongly about the iPhone 4, just in case you mistakenly think that I am some kind of creepy weirdo 😛 I hope you’ll enjoy it!
Dear iPhone 4,
We have not formally met, but you have been a lot on my mind lately. I have heard others mention your name with reverence, I have seen the twinkle in their eyes when they talk about you. I have seen pictures of you where you showed off your exquisite beauty. As you have tons of other suitors, I do not imagine that you would deign to notice me. However, I did have a short-lived affair with your older sister, the iPhone 3GS. She might be getting a little bit on in age, but she undeniably still had a lot charm, and we had fun together. It was an affair I knew that couldn’t last for long. It was only a matter of time before she would move on again, into the hands of another person…
I mentioned that I had a lot of fun with your sister, and I am sincere when I say that. Whenever I needed something, she would be there for me. Whenever I was bored, she would give me instantaneous satisfaction. All I had to do was to touch her in the right way, and she would give me what I want. This is why I feel so guilty now, because I have to admit that it was you, always you, that was on the back of my mind. Even as I held your sister in my hands, I imagined it was you that I held. I knew you could offer me the same things she could offer, only better and faster (not to mention that you are sexier as well!). I imagined what it would be like to touch you, to caress you softly with my fingertips, to stroke you gently across your screen… ah, the multiple ways I would touch your screen. I imagined what it would be like to push your button down there in your nether regions, to admire your beautiful abs (or is that apps?). I imagined all the different ways you would satisfy my needs, and I even imagined you doing these multiple things simultaneously.
Alas, I am also fully aware of your fickle nature. I know that if I hold you in the wrong way, you would not respond very well to my requests. I have not experienced it myself, but I have heard your other suitors complain about it. You have tried to deny this on several occasions, making up wild excuses along the way. You said that you were no different from any of the others in this regard. You said it is because you tried to put up a pretty face despite that you didn’t feel all that well, and because of this, people were misled into thinking that things are better than they actually are sometimes. You have thrown these excuses into the faces of your detractors, just so you don’t have to admit that you are not perfect, so you do not have to apologize to anyone, so you do not have to make any amends afterwards. You may deny it, but I know the truth. I have seen plenty of incriminating evidence from different people. At times I resent you and your arrogance, your inability to utter even the simplest apology. But truth be told, these flaws are forgotten and forgiven the moment I lay eyes upon you again.
So you see, my feelings for you are passionate and heartfelt. But I am already committed with the curvaceous BlackBerry. It is not a commitment I could leave easily behind, it would require more than a Bold move to do that. So for now, I have only my imagination to nourish me. But who knows, there may come a day when we will finally be together.