It’s time to face the truth. Writing on my blog is fun and a nice exercise, and I have gained some self-confidence and a lot of insights into myself because of it, but in the end, what I truly want is to start writing fiction and fantasy again. That is where my heart lies, and it is the main reason why I started writing in the first place. I’m not saying that I plan to stop with my blog anytime soon, but that I have been ignoring my dreams for too long now. When I dream about writing, I don’t dream about writing about myself and reiterating what happened to me. No, when I dream about writing, I dream about shaping exotic and fantastic new worlds. I dream about hatching complex characters who are believable and who I care about. I dream about setting loose emotions; from myself, my readers and from my characters. When I dream about writing, I dream about creation.
Over the past few months, years, or even decades, I have generated many ideas. But these ideas are fragile, so easily shattered, and they wither and die if I do not cherish them and provide them the opportunity to grow into something more profound. So many of these ideas have perished because I have neglected them. And yet, despite my negligence a few of them have persisted, and have remained with me for years. The fact that these ideas have stuck with me and have refused to leave me must mean something surely? I like to say that I have become a better and more confident person throughout the years, but I have to prove it. What I have to do now is just start writing at the beginning, and don’t stop writing until I reach the end. And once I reach the end, start at the beginning again. I cannot allow myself to be as easily discouraged as before. I need to persevere as these ideas have persevered to do them justice.
One thing I’ve learned though: start simple. And so, instead of trying to write an epic quintology with dozens of characters or some such nonsense (which I normally quit anyway after a few pages), I’m going to start experimenting with some short stories, with just two or three characters. Take a deep breath, relax and just let the stories guide me in the right direction. And if it turns out that a particular story wants to be part of a larger one, well I guess that’s the way it should go.
To be honest, I’m not entirely confident I will keep my promise. Maybe in the end, I will quit once again out of frustration. Maybe I will never be able to finish anything substantial, but after all these years that I have wasted, it’s about time that I tried, isn’t it?