Writers Studio – Week 3 Exercise

Exercise based on Deuce:12:23am by Barbara Anderson

Create a narrator who is completely different from myself and who is giving a monologue, and just let him talk on and on and on in an exaggerated way. Underlying the monologue there is a core issue, but touch only lightly during the story.

HELLOOOOO WORLD!!!

Welcome to Sunnydale high school on this beautiful day! The sun is shining brightly outside, the birds are chirping merrily and life is good, so good in fact that I want to share it with you, dear audience. That’s why we’re here today, that’s why I’ve brought my video camera, because I want to show you my wonderful school and all the wonderful people who are in this beautiful place.

Let me introduce you all to my pal Brian first. Brian is such a nice guy, always offering to meet up with me after school to teach me some lessons. I learned sooo much from Brian during these after school sessions, about how the real world works, about how being weak is considered a sin and about how being strong means you can do whatever the hell you want. Hey Brian! Look here! Wave at the camera Brian! The audience just loves it when we interact with them, don’t you know that? But… why are you shaking, Brian? Don’t tell me you’re afraid of the camera, surely not you, not a big tough guy like you, who is so strong and so full of self-confidence. Yeah, you’re a tough guy all right, so why are you shaking? Wait a minute! Stupid me! Of course you’re not afraid of the camera. A big tough guy like you afraid of something silly like that! Hahaha! What the hell was I thinking, eh Brian? It’s what I’m holding here in my right hand that you’re afraid of, right? I do apologize, Brian, I’m feeling so happy and I’m so caught up in this whole film making business that I completely forgot about it. Stupid, stupid me! And I probably shouldn’t aim it at your head like this as well, eh? I don’t blame you Brian. I’d be scared stiff too if I thought someone was going to hurt me. Wait, let me juuust aim this thing someplace else so you can feel safe for a moment. There, feel better now, Brian? Why are you still shaking Brian? Are you still afraid of this? I’m not even pointing it at you anymore. Besides, you were the one who told me not to worry about the inevitable, Brian, not to be a baby about it but to take it like a real man. I’m disappointed Brian. I thought you were tougher than this, but I guess I was wrong. It seems you’re nothing but a big baby yourself after all… Peeww! What is that nasty smell? Did you forget your diaper, big baby? Big baby forgot his diaper? Hahaha! Man, I’m funny! Guess I should be a comedian, eh?

But enough about big baby for now. Look who’s here! It’s Catherine! Oh Cathy, Cathy, Cathy, Cathy, Cathy, I love you so much, do you know that? Do you know how much I love you? Oh Cathy, Cathy, Cathy, Cathy, Cathy! Such a beautiful name and it sounds so much like a poem when I say it over and over and over again. Oh Cathy, Cathy, Cathy, Cathy, Cathy! No I don’t want your sympathy! All I want is your sweet tender love! Oh baby why won’t you gimme that sweet, sweet stuff? Do you like it Cathy? I wrote it especially for you because I know how much you love these love poems. See? I know these things about you. I actually pay attention to you, not like that dumb boyfriend of yours, who is so dumb that he doesn’t even know the difference between Plato and a plate of Oreo’s. Hahahaha! Man, I am on fire! You’re not laughing Cathy, why not? I know you think I’m funny, because you’re always laughing when I’m around. You and those stuck-up girlfriends of yours, always laughing and laughing and pointing at me, always laughing when the other boys pick on me. But what the hell, as long as it makes you happy, right? I’m just happy that I’m the one who makes you laugh and not some other loser. But why aren’t you laughing now? Don’t you think my joke was funny? But of course! What was I thinking? It must be quite a shock for you to hear me say I love you, so out of the blue. I bet it’s not something you hear everyday eh? I’m so sorry Cathy, I didn’t mean to pressure you, I just wanted was to let you know that I love you. You’ll forgive me, won’t you? I would die if you won’t forgive me.

I’ll leave my dear Cathy alone for now while she’s mulling over my declaration of love. Nope, I have to take it easy, don’t want to pressure her, so let’s just take a moment to enjoy this beautiful day. Just take a moment to look at the sun and listen to the birds. The sun just keeps on shining and the birds just keep on singing, so sunny and cheerful. Don’t you wish that we could all shine as brightly as the sun no matter what happens? Don’t you wish that we could all sing as merrily as the birds and forget all our troubles in the world? The world is such a beautiful place and all I ever wanted was to be a part of it and… wait, do you hear that? Do you hear the police sirens in the background? That’s my cue to stop filming. Sorry to disappoint you all and to leave you now things are getting really exciting, but I can’t promise that everything that happens beyond this point is suitable for the kids watching at home. We have to be real careful with those sensitive souls now, don’t we? Who knows what could happen otherwise? Hahaha!  But of course I won’t leave you without letting you say goodbye to the others. Ok, everyone! Hey everyone, listen up! We’re going off the air soon! So I want you all to look into the camera and say goodbye to our audience. Especially you two, Brian and Cathy, since you are the stars of the show. Ok everyone, ready? Now look into the camera and let’s all wave together and repeat after me:

GOODBYYYYEEEE WORLD!!!

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