Tag Archives: Hope


I used to believe that love was the greatest thing in the world.
I used to believe that I must therefore keep fighting against myself.
I used to believe in happy endings.

I wonder what happened to that guy. Somehow, somewhere along the way I lost him. I think he is still in me somewhere, buried deep inside, because sometimes when I strain myself I think I can hear him whispering at me. Whispering at me to keep fighting, to never give up. But it is a faint whisper, barely audible at all. Sometimes I try to remember what he said to me and I repeat those words to myself in my mind, trying to convince myself again in their meaning. But there is no real conviction. It is a lie, a façade, but I cannot fool myself. I can pretend however I want, but I do not believe in their meaning anymore.

But what do I believe then? Well, I would answer, I believe I am incapable of love. There, I have finally said it. It is out in the open at last. There can be no more denying it, no more obscuring the truth, no more pretending that everything is fine and dandy. I might have hinted at this before, I cannot truly recall, but this is the first time I have said this outright without sugarcoating it. This is what I truly believe. I believe the ability to love someone and to make someone feel loved and special, the capacity to show affection like a normal human being completely eludes me. Oh yes, I have made several attempts before, but asking me to do these things is like asking someone of my athleticism to throw down a 360 tomahawk dunk. The results would be exactly the same. Any attempts in both cases would be feeble and pitiful, destined for complete failure at the very outset. In such cases, perhaps it is better not to even try at all. Continue reading


Filed under Rants

Top 10 Songs Part 3 – #4 to #2

Here is finally the next installment of my top 10 songs of all time after a break of a couple of days. This time I will be discussing the numbers 4 to 2. Some of these entries will be quite long, as I will go more into the lyrics in a couple of cases. The number 2 song especially is very strong in its literary quality, so that will require some space to discuss. Well enjoy, and don’t forget to check back for the number 1 song later!

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Filed under Music

Inception – The Inner Struggle and the Hope

I wish. I wish more than anything. But I can’t imagine you with all your complexity, all your perfection, all your imperfection. Look at you. You are just a shade of my real wife. You’re the best I can do; but I’m sorry, you are just not good enough.

I mentioned in my previous post that Ariadne was the only symbolic name in Cobb’s dream, but now I’m not so sure about that. I was thinking lately why Cobb’s projection of his wife is so malicious, when it hit me… His wife’s name, or at least his projection of her, is called Mal. You know, as in malicious. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but then again, perhaps not. Remember, mal means “bad” in French, and Marion Cotillard, the actress playing Mal is also French. Coincidence? No, when it comes to Christopher Nolan’s movies, I don’t believe much in coincidences.

What is the most resilient parasite? Bacteria? A virus? An intestinal worm? An idea. Resilient… highly contagious. Once an idea has taken hold of the brain it’s almost impossible to eradicate. An idea that is fully formed – fully understood – that sticks; right in there somewhere.

However, I wasn’t sure at first what to make of this Mal. Why is Cobb’s projection of her so malicious?

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